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Once you commit the time and emotional energy to get your butt in the chair to write, you face a daunting task — figuring out what to write about. With so much freedom, this is a challenge for most students. Write about whatever keeps you up at night. That might be cars, or coffee. It might be your favorite book or the Pythagorean theorem. A good topic will be complex. In school, you were probably encouraged to write papers that took a side. In an essay, conflict is good. While the personal essay has to be personal, a reader can learn a lot about you from whatever you choose to focus on and how you describe it.

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Another guy wrote about making kimchi with his mom. They allowed the writer to explore the real subject: This is who I am. Failure is essayistic gold. Taking your college essay to the next level. Sample essay 1 with admissions feedback.


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Sample essay 2 with admissions feedback. Student story: Admissions essay about a formative experience. Student story: Admissions essay about personal identity. Student story: Admissions essay about community impact. Student story: Admissions essay about a past mistake. Student story: Admissions essay about a meaningful poem. Writing tips and techniques for your college essay. Next lesson. Current timeTotal duration Video transcript - First and foremost when looking at an essay, you're going to be looking things like, their ability to write well and their appropriation for college.

But we're also using that information to kind of see things like, their resilience and their love of learning and their intellectual curiosity. Note how the writer incorporates a wide range of details and images through one particular lens: a scrapbook. Prompt: Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. The layouts of the pages are already imprinted in my mind, so I simply draw them on scratch paper.

Now I can really begin. Cutting the first photograph, I make sure to leave a quarter inch border. I then paste it onto a polka-dotted green paper with a glue stick. For a sophisticated touch, I use needle and thread to sew the papers together. Loads of snipping and pasting later, the clock reads three in the morning. I look down at the final product, a full spread of photographs and cut-out shapes. As usual, I feel an overwhelming sense of pride as I brush my fingers over the crisp papers and the glossy photographs. For me, the act of taking pieces of my life and putting them together on a page is my way of organizing remnants of my past to make something whole and complete.

This particular project is the most valuable scrapbook I have ever made: the scrapbook of my life. The entire left side I have dedicated to the people in my life. All four of my Korean grandparents sit in the top corner; they are side by side on a sofa for my first birthday —my ddol. Meanwhile, my Texas cousins watch Daniel, the youngest, throw autumn leaves into the air that someone had spent hours raking up.

To the right, my school peers and I miserably pose for our history teacher who could not resist taking a picture when he saw our droopy faces the morning of our first AP exam. I move over to the right side of the page. At the top, I have neatly sewn on three items. The first is a page of a Cambodian Bible that was given to each of the soldiers at a military base where I taught English.

Beneath it is the picture of my Guatemalan girls and me sitting on the dirt ground while we devour arroz con pollo, red sauce slobbered all over our lips. I reread the third item, a short note that a student at a rural elementary school in Korea had struggled to write in her broken English. I lightly touch the little chain with a dangling letter E included with the note.

Moving to the lower portion of the page, I see the photo of the shelf with all my ceramic projects glazed in vibrant hues. With great pride, I have added a clipping of my page from the Mirror, our school newspaper, next to the ticket stubs for Wicked from my date with Dad. I make sure to include a photo of my first scrapbook page of the visit to Hearst Castle in fifth grade.

Unlike the previous one, this page is not cluttered or crowded. There is my college diploma with the major listed as International Relations; however, the name of the school is obscure. The remainder of the page is a series of frames and borders with simple captions underneath. Without the photographs, the descriptions are cryptic. For now, that second page is incomplete because I have no precise itinerary for my future.


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The red flags on the map represent the places I will travel to, possibly to teach English like I did in Cambodia or to do charity work with children like I did in Guatemala. As for the empty frames, I hope to fill them with the people I will meet: a family of my own and the families I desire to help, through a career I have yet to decide. Until I am able to do all that, I can prepare.


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  8. Check out the opening paragraph of the Scrapbook essay again. It reads like the opening to a movie. Take a look at the particular objects the writer chose:. She keeps clothes for a long time; she likes to be comfortable. What does "Levi's" suggest? She's not obsessed with neatness. Family is really important to her.

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    Fireplace: What does a fireplace connote? Warmth, closeness. My brother's hot cocoa: Why hot cocoa? Again, warmth. How is the fact that her brother made it change the image? It implies that her brother is engaged in the family activity. Do you think she likes her brother? Would your brother make hot cocoa for you? And finally:.

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    Listening to rain: Why not watching TV? What does it tell you about this family that they sit and listen to rain together? Taken together, they create an essence image. Quick: What essence image describes your family? Even if you have a non-traditional family—in fact, especially if you have a non-traditional family! Based on the image the writer uses, how would you describe her relationship with her family? We know all we need to know. Did you notice how clearly she set up the idea of the scrapbook at the beginning of the essay? Look at the last sentence of the second paragraph bolded below :.

    The sentence in bold above is essentially her thesis. It explains the framework for the whole essay. She follows this sentence with:. Super clear. Even a personal statement can have a thesis. We need to trust that this is going to be worth our time.

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    Showing before telling gives your reader a chance to interpret the meaning of your images before you do. Why is this good? It provides a little suspense. Note that it's all "show. As we read, we wonder: what do all these objects mean? That second page is incomplete because I have no precise itinerary for my future.

    Showing then telling gives you an opportunity to set-up your essay for what I believe to be the single most important element to any personal statement: insight. What is insight? Insight answers the question: So what? Not throughout your whole essay; a couple times will do. Can you cut it in half without changing the meaning?

    Over the course of the six weeks, I became very familiar with playing the cello, the flute, the trumpet, and the marimba in the morning session while I continually learned how to play the acoustic guitar in the afternoon sessions. Wait, actually try cutting this in your mind before scrolling down. See how concise you can get it. In six weeks, I learned the cello, flute, trumpet, and marimba in the mornings and acoustic guitar in the afternoons.

    Option 1. If you find yourself trying to pack a lot into one sentence, just use two. Two sentences work just as well, and require no extra words. In the example above, the author could write:. I also look forward to pursuing other , more unconventional, academic interests, such as ancient history and etymology through the first year seminars.

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    Option 2: Just trim the first half of the sentence to its essence, or cut most of it. At Brown I look forward to pursuing a double concentration in both public health and business, while also tapping into other, more unconventional academic interests, such as ancient history and etymology. This video is made using InVideo video maker. Online Courses. Graduate School. School Partnerships. Free Resources. Personal Statement. University of California. Supplemental Essays. College Admissions. For Counselors. The Webinar Club. For Parents.

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